Low-maintenance, chilled out bride?

29 Jul

With just over 4 months to plan our wedding, I didn’t think there was room for being high-maintenance. However, with all the crazy stories I’ve heard from friends and read online, I worried I would join the fray of bridezillas to whom so many cable TV shows are devoted. Shelia O’Malley’s blog post on this topic allayed my fears a bit. “Low-maintenance, chilled out bride,” she repeats. I tested myself on O’Malley’s qualifiers:

1. “They want their wedding day to be a fun day for all.”

I’m a people-pleaser. I’m also very “why can’t we all just get along?”  I will sacrifice my own comfort for everyone else’s fun (if I’m not careful).  Constantly revise the seating chart to maximize happiness for all? The RSVPs aren’t all in and I’m already doing that.  I constantly need intervention to stop trying to make everyone happy. So check plus on this one.

2. “They want their bridesmaids to be comfortable.”

As a former bridesmaid, I cared very much about this. It is impossible to find one dress that looks good on everyone. Possibly an A-line, but the trend always veers towards strapless satin sheath in the wedding world, and satin is not a forgiving fabric. One of my bridesmaids wore a previous BM dress as a Miss America costume for my Halloween party a couple of years ago. In gazing upon the powder blue, lace-laden two piece ensemble, I thought to myself: there must be a better way. After picking my colors from a t-shirt I own, I set out thinking my bridesmaids could all find green or purple dresses in their style, their preference. Then the questions on fabric and shades of purple arose and I realized “going it alone” may not be as laid back as I originally thought. So we ended up at Alfred Angelo for the sake of matching the color, and if you’re going that route, I highly recommend them. Not only do they have an endless number of styles, but they disguise themselves nicely as human beings unlike the sheep-herding salesman fare of David’s Bridal (who also spam you heavily). It’s to be decided if my ladies actually are comfortable, but this was 100% my goal. A for effort?

3. “They want to make sure that everyone has a rocking good time.

As mentioned in item #1, I live to ensure others are comfortable/having fun. So staying up until 3:00 am trying to make a DJ request list varied enough to please everyone’s tastes on the dance floor and not offend any guests made perfect sense to me. We did upset my 11-yr-old niece by banning the Electric Slide, but she’ll recover by dancing to literally everything else. Ah, resilient youth. Rock On.

4. They themselves want to have a rocking good time.”

I wanted to say ‘duh’ to this one. Who doesn’t want to have a ‘rocking good time’ on his/her wedding day? Apparently lots of people (see qualifier #4). No matter what goes right/wrong on the big day, when there is music, I will dance. When funny things happen, I will laugh. When a guest makes an inappropriate comment via microphone, I will also laugh. Honestly, if my dress ripped right in half, I’d still laugh. I am not worried about not having fun. Check plus plus.

5. “They do not want to have a nervous breakdown because the flowers are salmon-pink instead of fuschia.”

I’d love to make fun of this, but I had a moment of eggplant vs. grape anxiety. I picked eggplant purple from the fabric swatches, but most of the dresses my gals tried on were grape. And they were lovely. Then viewing those same dresses in ‘online eggplant’ gave me color choice remorse.  Computer monitors added an unnecessary blue tint to the purple. And then of course once I saw real dresses with real fabric? Freak out removed. Being on the 4-month plan, it was easy to write off any hue regret as frivolous, but I cannot tell a lie: sighs of relief over real life eggplant were real. And I heaved them. Check, please?

Final Analysis: Low-maintenance? Yes. Chilled out? Only slightly.


7 Responses to “Low-maintenance, chilled out bride?”

  1. Aaron July 29, 2010 at 8:08 pm #

    Again, I think it might be wise to revisit these qualifiers after the fact:)

  2. Kara July 29, 2010 at 8:20 pm #

    Totally open to the reality of me becoming unchilled by the end. And we will laugh at that too.

  3. Beth August 7, 2010 at 4:15 am #

    The really funny thing about wedding day is this: you are so wrapped up in the moment that someone could ask you “what color are your bridesmaid dresses?” and you will reply “I’m sorry, what bridesmaids?”

  4. Catherine August 11, 2010 at 1:21 pm #

    So glad everything’s going smoothly!

    I’m starting to think that the bridezilla phenomenon is only propagated by high maintenance women (who want an excuse to be over-the-top for a day) and bad reality TV producers. Many, many women don’t enter that territory, and honestly, I think it’s fairly easy to identify which will long before they’re engaged. You’re not of that breed Kara.

    And if you do become “unchilled out” on the big day, I can pretty much guarantee that it won’t be for something selfish or silly, like flower colors. My day of break down came when I realized minutes before we left for the church that I completely forgot to finish and print the general intercessions, which my cousins were to read at the ceremony. Computer wouldn’t print, and I sobbed like a crazy person. But it wasn’t because MY ceremony wouldn’t be EXACTLY the way I wanted it. I was because I felt so guilty for putting my already fragile cousin (confidence issues + bipolar disorder) in a position that would make her uncomfortable.

    Okay, so maybe it might be silly, but it won’t be selfish.

    Oh, and just in case something like that happens to you, breath easy. Crisis was averted as they usually are. 🙂


  1. Expectations don’t always meet reality (if you’re lucky) | GOING SOFLO - October 17, 2010

    […] (if you’re lucky) Posted on October 17, 2010 by Kara| Leave a comment Back in July, I evaluated myself on this low-maintenance, chilled-out bride scale. Since I’ve been married for nearly two […]

  2. I think this blog is about transition | GOING SOFLO - February 5, 2011

    […] the research I should’ve done, but neglected because I was planning my wedding, packing, and moving. And taking time to reflect on my crafting deficiencies. And […]

  3. Mad Pen: a blog year in review « GOING SOFLO - June 24, 2011

    […] July 2010: Start cleaning out my house of six years (emotional roller coaster ride unleashed); try to be a low-maintenance bride. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: